Catchfence

Hello loyal readers and others. It’s that time again for me to discuss my thoughts on some of the more important issues of racin’ for me. If you are new to my column I hope you like it. If you don’t, well, tell somebody else. I don’t want to hear it. I’m not bein’ mean, I’m just bein’ honest. And besides I’m a busy woman, as my loyal readers know, so I haven’t got time for that foolishness. This here is serious business, as you will read, so on with the show, so to speak.

First off I sure blew it about pickin’ Jr to win, didn’t I? That’s doggone Daytona for ya! At least it’s over now. That place confuses me a bit, I’ll tell you that right now . I get all excited and anxious when it’s time for the guys to go there, anticipatin’ the speed and action. And then I spend most of the time in front of the TV, with the exception of potty breaks and food fixin’, yellin’ and havin’ a regular coniption fit. Now, for those of you who don’t know what that is, and for those of you who do but didn’t know it has a written out definition, go to urbandictionary.com. But, just a word of warnin”, some of the definitions have bad words in them. Let’s just say, in my case, a coniption fit isn’t what I want to be remembered for when I leave this earth. Ok? Anyway, this weekend at Daytona seemed especially excitin’ and aggravatin’. If I felt that way can you imagine how those guys felt? Some of those cars just need to be hauled off to the car crusher-upper. Know what I mean? That reminds me of the time my late husband Elmer went drinkin’ and passed out in his Edsel. My brother Jethro owned a tow truck and well, let’s just say Elmer was a real good boy until Jethro up and moved to Memphis suddenly. Nobody would ever tell me why and his ex-girlfriend ain’t talkin’ to me, excuse me, isn’t talkin’ to me. I do have my suspicions, but, that’s neither here nor there.

Anyway I sure am as happy as I can be that the boys are all ok. I imagine Kyle Busch and Kasey Kahne are a little bunged up, but at least everyone survived and walked away! More on these two later. I want to start off with Tony. As you know, Tony won. Yes, it was a controversial win, but, he did win and I personally didn’t see one cotton pickin’ thing wrong with it. It’s Daytona people! And I am just so impressed with Tony’s performance. 2 wins for a brand spankin’ new team that he owns! That’s shoutin’ from the rooftops stuff there, folks! Does my heart a world of good, let me tell you. Walter from the meat counter and I had a round or two over that subject durin’ the off season. He said some unflatterin’ things about Tony’s decision to leave Coach Joe and I just wasn’t about to let that pass. I like Tony and his scruffy beard, as I’ve said before and Lordie how that boy can drive!. Anyway, Walter made me mad sayin’ stupid stuff about Tony so I whipped up on him with the brisket he had just wrapped up for me. Course they called Floyd, our Deputy. He did take me away, but, no charges were filed, that time, at least. Judge said he couldn’t understand Floyd anyway cause he was laughin’ so hard and Walter was nursin’ a black brisket eye and he didn’t even show up, so, it was what it was and I was a free woman with a somewhat more tarnished reputation, as if I really cared. I just don’t get physical like that much anymore …takes too much out of me. Know what I mean? Anyway, I am just sure there were many folks out there who were shocked at the statements Tony made in Victory Lane, not wantin’ to win that way and all. Barney, my neighbor said that couldn’t really be Tony sayin’ that stuff. He said NASCAR must have brought in a ringer to keep the masses calm, but, Barney’s a ding dong! Personally, I do understand Smokie’s thoughts, but, that place is well known for that kind of thing, Tony. You go ask Bobby, Cale or King Richard, honey. They’ll tell ya. Heck, that mess of mangled sheet metal may not be cleared away yet! I’m exaggeratin’, but, you know what I mean! Listen Tony darlin’, Kyle tried to block you, honey. That’s exactly what happened. It’s right there on my VHS tape if you want to see it anytime. I’ll make us dinner, dear, maybe rabbit and dumplins (that has a much better flavor than chicken), shelley beans, pickled corn and buttermilk cornbread. How’s that sound? Oh, I know, but, nothin’s too good for you, honey. I do want you to enjoy yourself! We can make an evenin’ of it, so, just let me know. That’s an open invite.

Lord have mercy it’s hot in here! Break time!

Ok, I’m back. Nothin’ like a good ice cold glass of buttermilk to calm, I mean cool a person down. Mercy sakes alive! And now for Kyle, the fans and Kasey Kahne, who I didn’t list in the title cause it was gettin’ a bit long.

Listen here now, I was impressed with the fact that Kyle had no comment followin’ that last lap meley right near the finish line and the end of the race that he didn’t win. Maybe he is settlin’ down a bit like Tony. I said, maybe! I am willin’ to give him the benefit of the doubt, however. He deserves an atta boy when it’s fittin’. Know what I mean? I am proud of him. Besides, he’ll most likely make up for it next week. Anyway, Kyle, good for you, dear. I’m quite taken with your silence. Keep up the good work, Stump! There was a song some time ago, Silence Is Golden. I loved that song. I don’t remember who sung it, but, it was just a real nice song. Your no comment moments made me think about that! You didn’t win, but, you did good with your attitude, so that’s pretty much the end of this discussion…until next time, of course.

And I also read the comments here and there from some fans who actually said that Kyle’s wreck and loss of the race couldn’t have happened to a more deservin’ guy. Now look here, that is just ugly any way you look at it. Any wreck can seriously injure a driver. This sport has gotten much safer than it used to be, that is true, but nothin’ is ever for certain. Y’all know that!. Shame on you! Besides the possibility of harm, there is the loss of equipment, money and a lot of hard work. That hurts everyone on the team. Again, shame on you for sayin’ stupid, hurtful things! Grow up or go watch WWE or both. Perhaps that stuff would be more to your likin’. Absolutely end of that discussion!.

That last lap mess was really somethin’, wasn’t it? A good bunch of cars were torn up, I’ll tell you that right now. One of the scariest ones was Kasey Kahne’s. Why that boy run right up underneath Kyle. He just had nowhere else to go! Had to have scared him half to pieces. He couldn’t see a thing, I’m sure. I can pretty much understand that part. I remember one time way back when my late husband Elmer and I were on a nice Sunday drive. He got a little fresh with me, if you know what I mean, so I whacked him up side his head with my pocket book. He temporarily lost his grip on the steerin’ wheel and we ran up over the curb and in to Preacher Adkin’s back yard and right into the clothes hangin’ on the line. We couldn’t see a thing! We only paused long enough to yank some of the laundry off the car and off we went like a bat outta hell. That’s not a bad word anymore either, by the way! Anyway, we did wind up with a couple of towels and a sheet that way, so that was nice, and Elmer learned a good lesson out of it, but, enough is enough, so back to Kasey. I am so glad that little cutie is ok. I just really like that young man. I have to be honest, though. I can’t stand his commercials. Why every one of those women are old enough to be his mother! That’s just ugly! Those gals need to take a more wholesome, motherly approach to younger men as I do! End of discussion!

And finally I want to really thank everyone for writin’ and commentin’. Well almost everyone. There is a certain element in our town who pretty much think they know more than I do about racin’. One in particular runs the barber shop and gets his information second hand, as far as I can tell. Well that and he stands outside other people’s houses on Sundays peerin’ through their windows watchin’ the race on their cable, cheap old fool! It just burns his hide that a woman can out talk him on any subject let alone racin’. My daddy use to run shine in Kentucky a long, long time ago, so Gene plain can’t make any of that foolish stuff stick. I got the need for speed a long time before it was ever legal for Pete’s sake! That’s a fact! Just get used to it, Gene, and sweep that floor more often! Dear Lord that’s ugly, man. And take down that picture of you with that Dolly Parton look alike you had blown up to life size! And that sayin’ you had printed on it about things not growin’ in the shade, well shame on you you nasty ol’ bald fool! Good God in heaven, that’s just plain un-natural, Gene! Know what I mean?

Well, I’m just plum tuckered out, it seems. It’s time for Judge Judy anyway, so, that’s it for now, I guess. Write if you like, allowin’ me adequate answerin’ time because I am a very busy woman and remember I give great love life advice and good picklin’ recipes, too. ‘

Til next time. Go, go, go!