Now for the year of hair. Seems to me 2010 is it…the year of hair. Have you noticed? Every body and his brother has hair. It’s all over the place, literally. Here are a few examples: Look at Clint Bowyer. My good and gracious Lord that man looks good in “The Little House On The Prairie” do! Doesn’t he? Oh Clintie darlin’, you look fabulous. Absolutely lookin’ good, honey. You stand out now. You don’t look like one of Jeff Burton’s brothers any more. Now before you get your fire resistant underwear in a bunch, darlin, I’m not suggestin anything about you bein a Burton. I’m just sayin. You look REALLY good, sweetness.
And then there is Johnson’s face, JR’s face, Boris’s hairdo (which is normal and I love it) and hair and more hair just everywhere it seems to me. Why even Darrell’s hair has drawn a little more of my attention this year, as well. Seems a little extra poofy to me. Of course I love it cause that’s just one handsome somebody right there! But I’m sittin there in front of my TV lookin at all this hair and sayin “What?”
Now, everybody knows I love a nice scruffy beard. They know blame well it is a passion of mine cause it reminds me of my late husband Elmer. Well, in his younger days anyway. In his later years it got all wirey and wild! Why we just couldn’t keep it well contained or groomed. I’ve had some nightmares about it, I can tell you that right now. It just got into everything. My face at night, his eatin plates and, at times it required extra attention when he was goin to take a bath. I just got so blamed tired of bein tripped durin the night by it. We got to callin it The Beast. And him dressin was a cause of concern, but, like most stressful causes it got easier after awhile. Practice makes perfect, if ya practice right, and we got that sucker under control after a spell, well that and he got it caught on the neighbor’s porch railin and pulled it down on himself and their pet cow. Cost us an absolute fortune to fix the railin and get a personal groomer to come and give us some personal trainin. Ah well, those were some frightenin days. Yep, indeedy.
Anyway, I still do love YOUNG scruffy beards, but, have you looked at JR’s beard up close this year? I mean, oh my dear Lord. That’s just not right. Know what I mean? Why I have a push broom in the barn that is about the same color, I believe but, it looks better than that, uh, growth. Look, I adore JR, his brother and his sisters. And I did so adore their father. I think he was the just about the greatest thing since pink lemonade, but Jr, lambiepoo, that mess you’re sportin just hides every cute part of your face. Didn’t you used to be a Gillette young gun, once? I think so, but, either way you hunt those boys down and let them have their Gillette way with you. Hear me, now? Beard only, though, otherwise you could wind up lookin like, well, Clarabell Newman, but that’s neither here nor there.
And close to finally, this brings me to those vergin on nasty Danica comemmercials again. I can’t help it. They just really bug me. Tell me now, how do y’all think most racefans would view a commercial where veteran Mark Martin was stopped by a good lookin hunky police officer who proceeded to get all excited and crazed over godaddy.com and got in Mark’s sweet face and start ripping his shirt off. Heck I’m wonderin how Mark himself would view that mess. I just can’t see it myself, loyal readers and other folks, and in a real life situation like that I think sweet Markie might just risk the anti sponsor scandal and punch the crazed, half dressed cop dude in his ripped abs. Mark is very physically fit after all and he could handle it, no doubt in my mind whatsoever. Know what I mean?
And then picture our overly scruffy bearded JR on a message table with a good lookin male masseuse who gets all excited about godaddy.com and starts rippin his attire to shreds. What might happen next just could very well be a BIG sponsor deal breaker… half dressed masseuse all black and blue, sprawled on the floor and JR yellin somethin about a somethin daddy.com whatsit or other goin somewhere or another! That’s a worrisome thought, but, with the way those commercials are goin who knows what is gonna happen next. Lord have mercy on us all! I just can’t stand it! They have got me so riled up, I had an episode of road rage just thinkin about them. I took to speedin and got taken in again. A good number of these folks around here are just not normal. Know what I mean? Deputy Wildun pulled me over and I threatened him with everthing I could think of if he even thought of rippin his shirt off. He hauled me in, and I had to be “evaluated”. Can you even believe that? What a backwoods ninkanpoop! Thank the very good Lord we’re not all like him, them, whatever! Anyway, I’m pert near positive that’s neither here nor there.
And I can’t even begin to wrap my head around Mark or JR in a shower, or dancin in short shorts and heels. Oh that’s a real Calgon PLEASE take me far, far away thought, if ya know what I mean! These commercials are just, well, nasty. They are. Seems more fit for a nasty ol’ pj clad Hugh Heffner than NASCAR. Sure wish I had the money to start a gogrannygrump.com. Think about it. I can see our commercials now. Betty White is a tough ol’ gal….she would hop over the closed door of her hot pink convertible ( I just love hot pink) to tackle that half dressed female cop to the ground, whip her behind, then turn to face the camera and say, “If you’ve had enough like we have, just gogrannygrump.com. Know what I mean?” (Hey, Mark, boss man honey down there in Florida somewhere, this gogrannygrump.com idea is covered by content protection. Right? ISHS!) Oh well, this is just a granny’s opinion for what it’s worth, but, that’s neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things. I’m just thinkin and sayin.
And for sure, finally, the other stuff. Seems there are a lot of new NASCAR babies bein born lately. Everyone around here is blamin Mother Nature, snugglin weather and all, but, I say it could just have somethin to do with the consumption of all those sport or energy drinks. Think about it. Makes sense, doesn’t it? I’m not blamin or anything. I’m just sayin.
Well, that’s it for the time bein. Granny’s grumblins are over for now. I forgot to remind y’all last time to send me your comments. Guess that’s why I got nothin. Oh I’m not complainin. I am a very busy woman, but if you so desire, some of ya tell me what you think about all this year’s hair, those commercials, and so forth. I can’t believe I am in this thought frame all alone. Nah…..can’t be, no how, no way.
Til next time, y’all behave and if ya can’t behave, be careful.
