Ryan, Brad, Carl, Kevin, NASCAR And Other StuffBy Granny Grump
I did miss out on a good deal of racin fun and excitement durin my stranded time so it seems, but, thank heavens for the internet. I stopped by a “coffee/internet available” place of business in a little strip mall in a little wide spot in the road, speed trap of a town (another story for another time) on my way back home to read up on some racin stuff. I am sure I missed out on plenty of newsworthy information cause the local business people kept complainin to me about the noise, smell and features but they didn’t seem to mind my truck or the critters inside, so, I got tired of fussin at ‘em all and we left. What a bunch of uncouth (I love that word. I learned it from a cop durin my Vegas trip) dingdongs. Oh well, I did read some good stuff though, hence this article.
But, for the mostly good part, it’s better to be out of the high ground old barn and back home. Took a spell to clear and dry out the house, but, we’re pert near back to normal. Know what I mean? So, finally I got to watch some racin this weekend! Woohoo and pass the crispy, cooked just right, turnip greens, and I fixed them myself, of course! Better than a lot of other stuff, I can tell you that right now. So, first off I need to commend Stump or Shrub Busch (or whatever those commentatin guys used to call the younger one) for winnin the truck race at Phoenix. He did good and moved when he should have. I know he’s not a part of the title for this writtin, but, he falls under the other stuff this time, shockinly. I figured I’d get the other stuff out of the way and done first this time cause I have plenty to say from here on. Good goin there Kyleypoo. You looked marvelous! (They still say that in Hollywood don’t they?).
And now for Mister Smilin’ Ryan, woohoo to you, too. You finally won again. Now after a few days, maybe no one will concentrate or speak much about the 77 previous races you didn’t win. I’m not tryin to bring up hurtfull issues, honey, I’m just sayin. Personally, Ryan dear, I like you and have spent many a moment defendin you to Walter behind the meat counter. But, don’t sweat him sugarpie. Walter is a backwoods moron most of the time. Besides he was probably busy this weekend watchin rich, famous, but strayin and cheatin Tiger whack a little ball layin on the ground with a club. Not my cup of hard cider, but, to each their own I guess. Not that this is either here nor there, but if I were someone’s wife, I’d be doin some more whackin of my own. And it wouldn’t be on a car window, if ya know what I mean. Of course I agree everyone deserves a second chance, but, to my way of thinkin he used up his number 2, 3, 4 and 5 chances already. Heck maybe more, but, I can’t remember their names. Now if you enjoy golf or Tiger don’t go writtin me a bunch of hate mail. Like him and golf if you must. These are just my opinions and a lot of other folks agree with me but just may be afraid to say so.
Now on to the next topic. I’ll lump Brad, Carl and NASCAR together for this writtin. Carl and Brad have had a feud a brewin since, at least, Talladega last year. Remember when Brad was a pushin Carl for the win and then moved off his bumper to start passin him and when Carl moved to block him Brad bumped him and sent him flyin high where he hit the catch fence and tore up his car. Thank the good and merciful Lord, Carl wasn’t hurt, but a few fans in the grandstands were. Then this year, Carl got his “evens” in gear and wrecked Brad at Atlanta. The car took to the air like a tumblin pigeon. This time it was on purpose and Carl admits it. Now look, Carl says Brad is always gettin in to him all the time. If this is true Carl or NASCAR needed to do somethin about it. NASCAR didn’t. In fact this is suppose to be the year of the “have at it”. So Carl did and he got a 3 race probation. I adore that cute Carl face, but, he deserved the probation. And while Carl didn’t mean to cause the car to become a flyin, flippin race car, he also didn’t try to kill Brad as Brad said. Come on now Bradness. You know better than that. Would you rather have Carl come to your car and punch you in the nose like Mr. Excitement did to Kurt Busch several years back? I can guarantee you if that had happened right now, as I am writtin, there would be a marvelous picture of you floatin around the internet with a big band-aid stuck on your nose. You’d be the one laughed at. Not Carl. Brad you have had some wild times on the track yourself, young man, so sayin that is just plain silly! And Carl, you made a mistake. You know that. Next time have at it a different way. Know what I mean? Look boys, just behave a tad bit better.
This type of thing has been goin on, right or wrong, time and time again for years and NASCAR really didn’t deal with the issue all that much for a long time as far as most people could tell. Actually these fights and wrecks sold tickets. It was a good bucks a lot time. Then when NASCAR started suspendin and finein drivers everyone, drivers, owners and racefans alike, complained up the wazoo. It’s feast or famine there…damned if ya do and damned if ya don’t, so to speak for NASCAR. It’s been suggested to me by a few folks that maybe NASCAR ought to put themselves on probation for at least 3 races since they can’t explain in detail what have at it means. If they did probation themselves, and this part is my suggestion, they could fine themselves, too, and give some of those bucks to say, well, Autism awareness and cures, Victory Junction Camp or any number of other worthy causes. I know they give and give a lot. That’s very true and is amazin and commendable, but, there are many good and deservin’ charities that can always use more money and NASCAR has more money than pert near anybody. Know what I mean? I think where people are confused is with the famous “grey area rulins”. Look folks…that ain’t goin away, but, I do think now we will see some of the drivers do a rock ‘em and sock ‘em display. To my way of thinkin, if they are goin have at it, it is better off the track than on. Hey boys and those few girls have at it. It’s ok today, just make sure you carry a few band-aids in your pockets and you are good to go!
So where does that leave the remainin name in my title? Kevin? First off congratulations for winnin the Nationwide race at Nashville last week. But, I more want to address your bout of poor memory of late, I am thinkin. It’s a well know fact that these 2 drivers, Carl and Kevin, have a history of less than flatterin comments about each other. Followin the Brad incident Kevin said Carl has anger issues. Then Carl said Kevin was a bad person. They both need a paddlin’ to my granny way of thinkin. Anyway, Carl better have some anger issues once in awhile and so should the rest of the drivers! That has got to be part of the “racin package”. Kevin sweetie, you have anger issues too! You absolutely do! Why, I remember some shovin and pushin matches you had with Biffle, Montoya and didn’t you even stomp around on Ricky Rudd’s hood once? There’s probably more I could bring up, but, sugar, that’s what the pot callin’ the kettle black means. Seems it’s always someone else’s fault. Even Granny Grump, hard as that is to fathom, has anger issues once in a blue moon. I know, I know, y’all don’t believe that but there are a couple, well maybe several. ok perhaps a bit more than that who believe it, but, that’s neither here nor there. Know what I mean?
Phoenix was a good race with some unexpected results. That’s always a wild place smack dab in the middle of Sherriff Joe’s wild west. Seems fittin somehow, doesn’t it? So, that’s it for now loyal readers and other folks. I’m out of wantin to write further. Besides, I need to go beat the rugs some more. They are dryin nicely and I need to get them clear of that mud turned to dirt. What a mess, but, like I said earlier a granny’s got to do what a granny’s got to do.
Y’all be sure to let me know what’s on your minds. Not that I can help you with it, but, occasionally some of y’all have given me good conversation material for the local beauty shop. Well, when I had a local beauty shop to go to, but, that’s neither here nor there. I have to go all the way to Stumpsville now and it just isn’t worth it anymore. I mean it’s nice enough, I guess. I’m just sayin.
Remember now, I no longer give out good picklin recipes. Some people can’t follow a recipe to save their life so that is no longer a valid, acceptable correspondence with me. Now, love life email…well maybe we can try this subject a bit longer although what that has to do with racin beats me all to pieces. But Doris, not you. Nope, no more and I mean it. I told you to leave and you didn’t so just keep on rubbin his smelly feet and take it. He doesn’t care one iota what you think one way or the other anyway. And girl he never did! I’m not bein ugly, just factual. Know what I mean?
And racer boys and girls, y’all try, just a little, to stay out of NASCAR trouble. When I get my place here back to company acceptable condition, we can again discuss our sit downs with amazin, prepared by me of course, feasts. Until then, you’re on your own, but, I’m watchin.
Views expressed by the writers are not necessarily the views of Catchfence
Article Tags: Brad Keselowski, Carl Edwards, Granny Grump, Kevin Harvick, NASCAR, NASCAR Nationwide Series, NASCAR Sprint Cup Series, NNS, NSCS, Racing Perspectives, Ryan Newman